Some dirty talks with Mitch
P/S: People who will get sick with dirty talks don't read. Anyway these talks is just for fun.
...
We were trying to show off how many TV, Computers, Air-con, Tables we have...

MITCH: How many dogs you have?
ARIEL : My house got 2 Cats, 3 birds
MITCH: huh? I know the meaning of "birds" but cats?
ARIEL: figure out yourself.

*After a few seconds*

MITCH: OH! I know what's cats means!

...

ARIEL: I want go clubbing! *Sent over MOS's pictures* It's say is for student and is for FREE entry. =D *Shouting like crazy and jump for joy!*
MITCH: ehh.. I think is for 18 and above.
ARIEL: -.-

...

MITCH: Recently somebody jio me! *Sent conversation pictures*
ARIEL: Did the girl's display picture is wearing sunglasses?
MITCH: No, Why?
ARIEL: oh~ I thought she was blind.
...
MITCH: Got 2 or 3 people asked my no.
ARIEL: For what? For donation?
...

Recently read Wendy's blog, http://www.not_again.blogspot.com/, and found these joke quite intersting.

#1
A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.

He shows her several patterns, but the blond Seems to be having a hard time choosing.Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitorThe surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"

The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo .... I've got Windoooooows!"

#2
Why does Beyonce keep saying "To the left, to the left"?
Because everybody knows that blacks dont have any rights.

#3
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

#4
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex," he replied.Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here," she said. "You must put it in here.

"Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the cunt.

Jane rolled around in agony, but manages to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"

"Tarzan check for bees."

#5

This prisoner escapes after 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and food, and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair and he ties the wife to the bed, and gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He's probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain and do what he tells you, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably really dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, and thought you were cute. He asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom, so I told him where to find it. Be strong, darling. I love you, too."

#6
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike.

He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years."Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.""No problem," he says.

And in they go.Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation and leans over and kisses Sandra.No one says a word.So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.Still, nobody says a word.So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain.Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough, I'll do the fucking dishes!"

#6

A boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face.

She asks, "You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes mum - I had sex with my English teacher!" he replied.
The mother is stunned. "Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!"
The dad comes home and hears the news; he's as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is a cause for celebration. Let's get fish and chips, then I'll buy you that bike you've been asking for."
"Mint! - but can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me."

#7

Alex come back from school and mom asked him "My dear child what have you learnt from school?"
Alex: I learnt a song!
Mom: Quick sing it to me!
Alex: A.B.C.D.E.F.G.H.I.J.K.L.M.N.O.P.Q.R.S.T.U.V.W.X.Y.Z Now I know how to spell FUCK YOU, F.U.C.K.Y.O.U.

wifluv,

ARIEL

Labels: Conversation